We get it, oral sex is tricky.
You don’t have your own set of your partner’s parts to practice on, so you’re flying blind on what feels good to your lover.
Women have their fair share of mistakes when it comes to oral sex, but guys aren’t perfect at going down either! And since up to 4 out of 5 of women would rather fake it than be brutally honest, we’re here to dish out some secret sexual advice.
These top mistakes men make are likely keeping their ladies from reaching orgasm, but they can also be downright painful. Are you secretly hurting her?
Keep reading to see if you’re going down on her all wrong, plus learn little ways to fix your tongue-flicking technique.
Though it’s easy for a guy’s magic stick to get hard and ready, women require warming up to get in the mood for love. This doesn’t mean she isn’t attracted to you! It just means she needs your help.
When you go straight to the vulva, she likely hasn’t had time to get aroused and your flicking movements will be more annoying than sexy.
To be her sexual knight in shining armor, start with a sensual make-out session. Keep your hands moving, grabbing her face and neck or sliding across her back and chest. Run your fingers down her chest toward her lady parts, but don’t touch them yet!
Be a tease and show her your romantic side before you jump in. How long? At least about 5 minutes. You’ll probably find some sexy, sensitive zones along the way!
In their quest to make everything way more complicated than it needs to be, men have forgotten that oral sex can be super simple. Without all the thrashing tongue action and random finger insertion, try treating a woman’s vulva (the whole area down there) like the lips on her face.
Kissing her lips down there can be a passionate, teasing, no-stress way to get her worked up. You won’t risk hurting her with too much pressure and the simple technique you’re using will allow her to visualize your actions and concentrate on every sexy movement.
Since the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach orgasm from oral sex (though some can take hours!), this is a solid first move for your private performance.
It feels good when a guy can lick the inside of a woman’s vagina, but your tongue has unique skills that are better served in more creative ways. Don’t treat it like a penis; let your fingers be the extremities that take on penetration duties and leave the tongue free to explore.
Instead of trying to shove your tongue inside her, focus on charming her clitoris. Experiment with a few different patterns—lapping up her clit, going side to side windshield wiper-style, or teasing her with circles—to find what she likes best.
Once she’s getting pleasure from this action, then you can insert a finger or two for added sensation. Just don’t rush it!
Yes, the clitoris is a hot-spot for nerve endings, but it’s also easy to overstimulate the area, causing more pain than pleasure.
To make sure you aren’t crushing her clitoris, start by kissing (not sucking) or using lapping motions with your tongue. As she gets used to these movements, her sensitive areas can withstand stronger pressure, but never press too hard, bite her or suck too much (unless she asks).
Same goes with fingers! Even if she likes it fast or rough when it comes to sex, use foreplay action as a way to introduce sensuality into your sexual repertoire. If you’re inserting fingers as reinforcement, use slow rhythmic movements that are more of a ‘come here’ motion than an in-and-out.
Why? Because bruising her pubic bone with your fast fingers is never cool.
It takes longer for a woman to get aroused and for her to come, so don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t orgasm quickly, and don’t stop if she doesn’t ask you to.
Especially if you’re planning on being with this same partner forever, you need to learn her normal cycle to ‘O’ town and how to best please her. Use this 20 or so minutes to try new things—asking how she likes them along the way—to find the right spots and the right movements to pleasure her body.
Aside from stopping too soon, don’t get upset if she’s doesn’t climax every time. Because the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings meant only for pleasure, sex feels great the entire time, not just at the end. But since most men think it’s only worth it if she finishes, up to 80 percent of women admit to faking it to satisfy their guy… And that statistic probably makes you feel worse.
If she says she’s about to come or looks like she’s loving what you’re doing, don’t change it! Don’t get creative with a new position, don’t press harder, don’t go faster… Whatever you’re thinking about doing to potentially speed/intensify her orgasm, don’t.
This sudden change of pace could take you both back to square one, as movements and positions feel different for every woman and it takes time for her to feel intense, orgasm-inducing pleasure from any motion.
If she’s enjoying what you’re doing, stay as consistent as possible and she’ll ride that wave eagerly.